My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
What does a mountain often do at its daily meal? It avalunch.
Rock was magma before it was cool.
What do you say to a flower after a breakup?
Get clover it.
Green is the most relaxed color in the rainbow, it's so jade back.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
Q: Why did the wind turbine blush?
A. It broke wind.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
What is known as the world's wettest animal? Rain-deer.
The storm was sad so we called it the sigh-clone.
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
A good friend of mine fell into a vaporiser and died.
She is sadly mist.
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
What is fog's favorite drink? Mountain Dew
Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He's a lawn mooer.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
I have a butcher friend in London. Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage. It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
Seas the day.