If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
I installed a sky light in my apartment.
The people upstairs were not happy at all.
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?
Because, he had a hurry cane.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
Green is the most relaxed color in the rainbow, it's so jade back.
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
What is fire to a pyromaniac?
Just a warm-up.
When the husband of the queen gets back to his palace after climbing the mountain, the queen says "Hi, King!"
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
They told me they were handing out free beef at the beach...
When I arrived I realized it was a bay-con.
During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
He was in Denali.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was pollen your leg
I have a good nature joke but after listening to it, everyone just leaves.
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
What do you call a storm that's raining cats and dogs?
A furricane
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.
It's ok to be negative if you find yourself in a thunderstorm.
You probably won't get struck by lightning.
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section
When can your cup of coffee tell the weather?
When it's muggy.
What did the lightning strike survivor say when interviewed?
"It was shockingly powerful. Like, it really Hertz"
How many colors are in the rainbow? I haven't got a blue.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.