A disappointed Dad tells a knock-knock joke to his teenage son: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "You're a mountain." "You're a mountain, who?" "You're a mountain to nothing, son!"
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
Q: Why does a hurricane wear a monocle?
A: It has only had one eye!
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
After being stuck in the ice storm all day long, the man said, "I am starving. Can I avalanche?"
What do you call an amazing day up a mountain? A peak experience.
The weather man said there won’t be any rain for 6 months, but I drought it.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
Why do earth science professors always talk about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form.
Only when it's ground.
When I arrived onset on a cloudy, dreary day, too many actors had been hired for the small part...
It was overcast.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold? You'll be the end of me.
All you need is a good dose of vitamin sea.
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!
I lost my cat in a snowstorm!
But he should be fine because he's a cool cat.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...
Turns out they were Portu-Geese.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
I had a rainbow for lunch. I'm trying to eat light.
How heavy is a rainbow? It's actually pretty light.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
A cowboy and a Mexican were walking side-by-side by a beach in Mexico. The Cowboy asked to the Mexican if the Gulf of Mexico was an ocean.
"Sea, Señor," replied the Mexican.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.