What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
I know a man whose last name is Storm
He has three daughters: Summer, April, and Haley.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
Pennies and quarters rain from the sky
"Wow!" I say. "It's climate change!"
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
What falls all the time and never gets hurt? Rain.
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
Did you hear the was a fire at a used furniture store and two people died next door?
It was due the second hand smoke
Love the beach. Can I be any more Pacific?
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
Sea you at the beach.
Q: What do you call a windmill swallowed up by a tornado?
A: A wind meal
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.
They told me they were handing out free beef at the beach...
When I arrived I realized it was a bay-con.
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
Why was the bucket so embarrassed at the beach?
Because of how pail it was.
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
Everyone said the wind was powerful. So, I went outside and was blown away.
Whale, hello there.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Due to bad weather, I won't be attending the Meteorology Convention.
I'm gonna take a rain-check.
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
I’ve never understood fog machines.
They mystify me to this day.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.