"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
Why do earth science professors always talk about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.
Why did the worm cross the ruler?
To become an inchworm
My wife was watching me do some DIY and she said I hammer like lightning.
I never strike in the same place twice.
I tried to catch the fog.
But I mist.
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
Yesterday’s weather forecast predicted freezing rain. However, it turned out to be quite an ice day.
The other day I put out a big dangerous open fire!
The other people on the hot air balloon didn't appreciate me for some reason.
While walking down the plains of the river, I lost my footing and got hit on my head. Now my head is swimming.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
The only way bees can fly right through the rain is when they have their yellow jackets on.
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....
I'm no longer covered.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
My wife refused to go to a nude beach with me
I can't believe she is so clothes-minded.
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
What did the pigeon say after being struck by lightning?
Not coo.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
What does a mountain often do at its daily meal? It avalunch.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
The weather man said there won’t be any rain for 6 months, but I drought it.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
I'm debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my rowboat...
It's row v. wade.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
Q: What do you call a freezing bird?
A: Brrrrrrrrrdddd