Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Why do people like storm watching so much?
The lightning is quite striking!
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
Four types of weather were having a race. Sunny won gold, cloudy got silver, snowy picked up a bronze, and rainy won a precipitation award.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
The ocean made me salty.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
He was going to sleep in a bucket of ice.
But then he got cold feet.
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
What is Jack Frost’s favourite mode of transport?
A Tr-Ice-cycle
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
What did the river sue for?
Beaver damage.
What did fog do to make the captain angry? He mist the boat.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What is a mountains favorite type of candy?
Snow caps.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off.
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
I installed a sky light in my apartment.
The people upstairs were not happy at all.
I'm debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my rowboat...
It's row v. wade.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Wind turbines don’t talk about much. They just shoot the breeze.
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What’s a cetacean’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.