The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
Does all this rain make you want an ark?
I Noah guy.
How many colors are in the rainbow? I haven't got a blue.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
What falls all the time and never gets hurt? Rain.
Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
Q: What do you call a windmill swallowed up by a tornado?
A: A wind meal
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
What's faster - lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
What is it called when bigger burgers fall from the sky?
Meatier showers.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
The man got shocked when he got down in the river because the river current was too strong.
What did the priest say at the flooding river?
God, dam it!
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
My wife and I went hiking and got lost. I lost my temper and she was so upset she threw the map at me.
Now I know where we stand.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What should you do if it starts raining cats and dogs?
Please seek shelters.
What did the cow that was struck by lightning say?
I'm udderly shocked.
What is a mountains favorite type of candy?
Snow caps.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
Yesterday’s weather forecast predicted freezing rain. However, it turned out to be quite an ice day.
What do you call a chicken that was struck by lightning?
Air fried.
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
A mountain biker was chased by a Grizzly this morning. He bearly made it.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
Why is grass so dangerous? Because it is full of blades!
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.