The science teacher decided to take her class out on a field trip to the mountains because all the kids in her class desperately needed higher grades.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain.
One fish said, “Quick, let’s swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!”
Don't get tide-up in sorrows, you will only cry a river.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What is fog's favorite drink? Mountain Dew
A cowboy and a Mexican were walking side-by-side by a beach in Mexico. The Cowboy asked to the Mexican if the Gulf of Mexico was an ocean.
"Sea, Señor," replied the Mexican.
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Why did the River go to the doctor? Her flow wouldn't stop.
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
My wife refused to go to a nude beach with me
I can't believe she is so clothes-minded.
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
What is known as the world's wettest animal? Rain-deer.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
Why don’t Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
A guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines so I called the cops.
He must belong to an extreme mist organization.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
As I am walking towards my classroom, I get to know that my miss-is-sippi-ng my glass of water.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road.
Grate.
If there's a will, there's a wave.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
How many colors are in the rainbow? I haven't got a blue.
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
Whale, hello there.
What do you call a chicken that was struck by lightning?
Air fried.