Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
The fisherman lost his new fishing hook in the river. He refused to accept it. He was in the Nile.
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
Did you hear about the B I V G R O Y rainbow?
The poor thing has a deviated spectrum.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
What do plants and homies have in common?
I love watching them grow.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
After being stuck in the ice storm all day long, the man said, "I am starving. Can I avalanche?"
I used to search for clams on the beach
But then I pulled a mussel.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
The only way bees can fly right through the rain is when they have their yellow jackets on.
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
I'm feeling exceptionally alone in this cold weather. It's probably because I'm completely ice-olated.
What is it called when bigger burgers fall from the sky?
Meatier showers.
Why don’t clams give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish!
Q: What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Why did the dad prefer driving in the rain?
Things ran more fluidly.
Never forget how beautiful the mountains are. You don't want to take them for granite.
Why don’t elephants go to the beach?
Because their trunks always fall down.
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
As I am walking towards my classroom, I get to know that my miss-is-sippi-ng my glass of water.
There are so many puppies and kitties around the neighbourhood. Perhaps it is because it has been raining cats and dogs for hours.
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
How are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....
I'm no longer covered.
Q: How do you stop newspapers from flying away on windy days?
A: Use a news anchor!
Why are seabirds so lucky in love?
Because one good tern always deserves another.
What did the lightning strike survivor say when interviewed?
"It was shockingly powerful. Like, it really Hertz"
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, oceans don't talk they just wave!
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
What's a king's favorite kind of precipitation?
Hail!
When can your cup of coffee tell the weather?
When it's muggy.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.