My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
What do you call it when it's raining and the sun is shining but a rainbow doesn't come out? A refrainbow.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube?
He couldn’t stream the video.
A pilot friend of mine took the flight exam and flew past a rainbow. No wonder, he passed with flying colors.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
Why did two fishes go to the riverbank? They wanted to withdraw their fins.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
The fisherman lost his new fishing hook in the river. He refused to accept it. He was in the Nile.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
Don't get tide down.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
I'm feeling exceptionally alone in this cold weather. It's probably because I'm completely ice-olated.
What did the gold say to the pyrite? You’re a fool and a fake!
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker
I was surprised when I saw a man get struck by lightning.
The man was shocked as well.
What falls all the time and never gets hurt? Rain.
What do you call dumb jokes at the beach?
Comic sands.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
It was hot today and when I went outside I saw there was a line of guys standing outside the hairdressers. I thought to myself, "Such a lovely day to have a barber queue".
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!