What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
I lost my cat in a snowstorm!
But he should be fine because he's a cool cat.
What is the best way for fungi to grow? You must give it as mushroom as possible!
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
They figured it was the best way to break the ice.
During a family discussion, my father said that grass is not greener than other plants. No one should make a biased grass-umption like that.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?
I was shocked when I found out.
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
"Hey! You stole my thunder."
The reason the mountains are hill areas joke gets reposted so often is because it's peak comedy
I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....
I'm no longer covered.
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During ape-ril showers.
Thunderstorms are shrewd investors. They put their money in a combination of frozen and liquid assets.
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
What do you call a deer in a storm?
A raindeer
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
Why don’t clams give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish!
You can't blame anyone if you fall in your driveway due to snowy weather...
Because that's your own asphalt.
What do you call a bear that’s stuck out in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower!
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow? Nothing, it was feeling blue.
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
There was news of a snowstorm. It arrived white on time.
I have a good nature joke but after listening to it, everyone just leaves.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
How did the wife know her mountaineering husband was cheating on her? She caught Himalayan about it more than once.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
I enjoy throwing coins in the river and watching them. I like studying my cash flow.
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.