Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It was feeling green!
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
What nature phenomenon is the funniest? A cyclown!
It was so hot that the bee's perm had become extremely unmanageable, so she turned into a frizzbee.
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
I really hate rock puns.
My sediments exactly.
Q: What do you call a freezing bird?
A: Brrrrrrrrrdddd
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
Every time I passed a ring-shaped coral reef with a coral rim that encircles a lagoon, I had to pay a fee. It was atoll.
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
Why did two fishes go to the riverbank? They wanted to withdraw their fins.
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
Where do rocks like to sleep?
In bedrocks!
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why did the dad prefer driving in the rain?
Things ran more fluidly.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
Why don’t Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
What is an evil dictator’s favorite type of weather?
A rain of terror.
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
With the kind of weather, it was almost certain that the bride-to-be would get a hoarse throat as she walked through the rain into her bridal shower.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
There was once a mountain biker who murdered everyone in his path because he was a clinical cycle-path!
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice
It was cold hard cash.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
What goes hiss, swish, hiss swish every time it rains? A windscreen viper.
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.