I installed a sky light in my apartment.
The people upstairs were not happy at all.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
What is batman’s favorite food (ans Just-ice)
Not much, just-ice.
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.
When is Monday coming?
MonSoon!
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
When moving a piece of furniture at the weather station, you'll be needing four casters.
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
My parents always told me I can be anything I wanted, the sky's the limit
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?
I was shocked when I found out.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
What did the gold say to the pyrite? You’re a fool and a fake!
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
What do you call a storm that doesn't come to fruition?
A mist opportunity!
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....
I'm no longer covered.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
They told me they were handing out free beef at the beach...
When I arrived I realized it was a bay-con.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
Why did the cow go to space?
to get ice cream.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
What did the priest say at the flooding river?
God, dam it!
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”