My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
The mountain got promoted because he was at the peak of his career!
You can bet on firemen at the beach.
It's a shore-fire thing.
What do you call a baby tree struck by lightning?
A zapling.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What does rain wear to a fancy dinner party? A rainbow-tie.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
Diving into shallow water could lead to jumping to wrong conclusions.
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
How does a Snowman get to work?
By icicle.
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
Love the beach. Can I be any more Pacific?
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
Water you doing?
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
Q: Why did the tornado take a break?
A: Because it ran out of wind!
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
What’s the difference between a horse and wet weather?
One reigns up and the other rains down.
The reason lakes are bigger than rivers is because one has running water whereas the other water is merely standing.
When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
When something evolves, it becomes a fork of nature.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What did the lightning strike survivor say when interviewed?
"It was shockingly powerful. Like, it really Hertz"
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
I wanted make a joke about the ocean, but it's too deep
What is a cat's favorite color in the rainbow? Purrrrrple of course.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
How did the wife know her mountaineering husband was cheating on her? She caught Himalayan about it more than once.
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What did the ground say to the earthquake? You crack me up!
The winter is the worst time of year for a wedding. The grooms always seem to be getting cold feet.
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
Who does their best work when they're under the weather?
Meteorologists.