Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
Why are seabirds so lucky in love?
Because one good tern always deserves another.
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
My dad's nickname is lightning.
That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.
Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Q: Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?
A: Because you’re breaking wind.
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
But the beach ain't one
I enjoy throwing coins in the river and watching them. I like studying my cash flow.
Why did the dad prefer driving in the rain?
Things ran more fluidly.
A tree's limbs fell off in a storm, now it's an amputree.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
What goes hiss, swish, hiss swish every time it rains? A windscreen viper.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Why did Iron Man sleep outside when it rained?
To get some rust.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
My wife refused to go to a nude beach with me
I can't believe she is so clothes-minded.
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
How did the wife know her mountaineering husband was cheating on her? She caught Himalayan about it more than once.
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I might have some trouble getting hard, I just got laid this morning!
I tried playing baseball in the fog today.
It was a bit hit and mist.
Why do cows lie on each other in the rain?
To keep each udder dry.
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
Green seemed to disappear from the rainbow it came back in full force, olive and kicking.
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
What book of the bible do you read on a beach?
The book of psalms trees.
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.