What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
Why don’t Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
What is it called when bigger burgers fall from the sky?
Meatier showers.
What did the flower say to the flower next to him? Move over bud!
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
How do you wash clothes at the beach?
With Tide.
The dock keeps floating above the river because of the pier- pressure.
Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
It's ok to be negative if you find yourself in a thunderstorm.
You probably won't get struck by lightning.
I would love climbing to the peak of Mount Everest, but I do not see the point.
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game?
A: Twister
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
I enjoy the cold weather
But only to a certain degree.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold? You'll be the end of me.
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
Rock was magma before it was cool.
I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.
I've always considered mountain plateaus to be the highest forms of flattery.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time? You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
Everyone said the wind was powerful. So, I went outside and was blown away.
What is an evil dictator’s favorite type of weather?
A rain of terror.
I lost my cat in a snowstorm!
But he should be fine because he's a cool cat.
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
Green seemed to disappear from the rainbow it came back in full force, olive and kicking.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!