What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.
There was news of a snowstorm. It arrived white on time.
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
What did the tornado say to the washing machine?
Want to go for a spin?
The weather man said there won’t be any rain for 6 months, but I drought it.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
Did you hear about the B I V G R O Y rainbow?
The poor thing has a deviated spectrum.
My glasses may be fogged up, but don’t worry I’ll be fine.
I’m optimistic!
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
How do rainbows sleep? In forty pinks.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What is an evil dictator’s favorite type of weather?
A rain of terror.
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
While walking down the plains of the river, I lost my footing and got hit on my head. Now my head is swimming.
I was gonna make a river joke, but I don't think it's current.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Hurricane
Hurricane who?
Hurry! Cane you jog away from the storm?
What did the flower say to the flower next to him? Move over bud!
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
My fire tonight...
Was lit!
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
What is a cat's favorite color in the rainbow? Purrrrrple of course.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
You can’t predict wind speeds with certainty. The best you can do is make a gust-imate.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Q: Why did the wind turbine blush?
A. It broke wind.