Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
Why did two fishes go to the riverbank? They wanted to withdraw their fins.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What did the ground say to the earthquake? You crack me up!
What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.
The other day I put out a big dangerous open fire!
The other people on the hot air balloon didn't appreciate me for some reason.
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!
Do you want to hear a joke about a bolt of lightning?
Actually, maybe not. The end is rather shocking.
When something evolves, it becomes a fork of nature.
Diving into shallow water could lead to jumping to wrong conclusions.
Our weather bureau is actually an umbrella organization.
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
What kind of bean never grows in a garden? A jelly bean!
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
Whale, hello there.
I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
Man, I puma pants
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
Tropic like it's hot.
What does a tornado wear under his clothes? Thunderwear!
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
Q: Why is there so much wind inside a sports arena?
A: Because of all the fans.
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.