Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
I was gonna make a river joke, but I don't think it's current.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
Why did the worm cross the ruler?
To become an inchworm
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
How are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold? You'll be the end of me.
What did the cow that was struck by lightning say?
I'm udderly shocked.
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
Where do water droplets go to settle arguments?
The Supreme Quart.
What do books wear on a wet and rainy day? Rain quotes.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
After all is red and done, all the colors in the rainbow are equally beautiful.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
I got lost in the mist today.
I didn’t have the foggiest idea where I was.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
I had a rainbow for lunch. I'm trying to eat light.
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
Seas the day.
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
Beach, please.
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
Checked into a hotel and was offered the black & white or the rainbow room. I chose the rainbow one as I like a room with a hue.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
I lost my cat in a snowstorm!
But he should be fine because he's a cool cat.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
How do you wash clothes at the beach?
With Tide.