Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!