There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
How heavy is a rainbow? It's actually pretty light.
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter get an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain!
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
What is a cat's favorite color in the rainbow? Purrrrrple of course.
What does rain wear to a fancy dinner party? A rainbow-tie.
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
I'm feeling exceptionally alone in this cold weather. It's probably because I'm completely ice-olated.
I got lost in the mist today.
I didn’t have the foggiest idea where I was.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
It started raining coins outside today.
I guess it’s just climate change.
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
What does a spy do in the rain?
He goes undercover.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.
The hiker hated the top of the mountain because it was all downhill from there!
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow.
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower!
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
What is a flower’s favorite vegetable?
Cauliflower.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
What do you call a baby tree struck by lightning?
A zapling.
Don't get tide down.
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.