Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
Why did the river refuse to join the sea? Because the sea was salty.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
My glasses may be fogged up, but don’t worry I’ll be fine.
I’m optimistic!
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
Why did the strangers walk out onto the frozen pond?
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
Please excuse my resting beach face.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter get an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain!
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
There was once a mountain biker who murdered everyone in his path because he was a clinical cycle-path!
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
When the moisture from the sky stops falling
It really stops waning
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What is Jack Frost’s favourite mode of transport?
A Tr-Ice-cycle
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
Why do you never see owls being affectionate in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
This very fair weather actually makes me feel like a feather!
I was at the beach and saw this guy in the water yelling, “Help, shark! Help!
I just laughed because I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
Sorry for raining on your parade, I really thought it'd be snow problem.
When the husband of the queen gets back to his palace after climbing the mountain, the queen says "Hi, King!"
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
Why do skeletons hate how wind feels? Because it goes right through them!
Q: What did the cloud say to the lightning bolt?
A: You're shocking!
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.