I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
All the grasses were bumping into each other because the grass-light wasn't working in the streets.
In my village, there is a farmer who takes his cows to refill their food at the grass station.
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
When the drivers ran out of fuel in the grassland, they refueled their tanks with grass-oline!
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
The police officer went to the crime scene and he saw that there had been a murder in the dense grasslands. Guess, we could call it a grass-assination.
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
Many years ago, my grandfather used to cut the grass- but, he's been gone for a lawn time.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
My family wanted me to cut the grass, but I couldn't get myself mow-tivated.
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
Why do cows eat grass?
I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
I heard that burglars used grass to pick a lock and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He's a lawn mooer.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
During a family discussion, my father said that grass is not greener than other plants. No one should make a biased grass-umption like that.