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Tried Jokes

Pea Puns
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
If I Had a Dollar... Jokes
If I had a dollar for every time someone tried to get me to join a pyramid scheme… Then two of my friends would have a dollar and two of their friends EACH would have had two dollars. And the guy above them? He’d get tons of dollars.
If I had a nickel for every time someone tried to get me to buy something, I'd be able to afford whatever they're selling.
Pot Puns
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
Tableware Puns
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Onion Puns
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Peach Puns
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
Meat Puns
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Funny Health Quotes
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
Gnome Puns
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Utensils Puns
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
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