Safe Jokes

I saw a flyer about a missing flower, would you call your florist and let him know you are safe?
โ€œWhen my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When theyโ€™re finished, I climb out.โ€

- Erma Bombeck.
Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.
My wife: Who did?

Me: Yep.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.

If they don't, the country is safe.
May you be granted no memory,
Of the people you wished took a hike,
May your luck hold out for decades,
Bringing you only the folks you like.

May your eyes never fail you,
When you need to tell the difference,
May your walker go from zero to 60,
So you could stay at a safe distance.

(Kevin Nishmas)
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
Is the pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. Itโ€™s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
The Doctor's Plants Two doctors, Dean and Gable, are treating a man with lung disease. Theyโ€™re explaining how his smoking weed has led to his condition worsening. โ€œBut itโ€™s just herbal!โ€ the patient protested. โ€œHow can it be bad?โ€ Dr. Jenkins sighed. โ€œNature isn't all innocent. Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is a certain plant in my back garden - if you sit under it for just 5 minutes, you will die. Just because itโ€™s natural doesnโ€™t mean itโ€™s safe for you!โ€ The man seemed to accept that, and promised to stop his smoking. After he left, the doctors went to lunch. As they were sitting down to eat, Dr. Smith asked, โ€œOh by the way, what IS that plant that kills you if you sit under it?โ€ โ€œA water lily."
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Practice safe text: use commas.
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