Missed Jokes

I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
โ€œOpportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.โ€
Thomas A. Edison
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other โ€œwe missed the bus!!โ€
Guess who just woke up to 19 missed calls and 30 messages from his ex?
My ex.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
โ€œOpportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.โ€ โ€“ Thomas Edison
I told my husband I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
I would talk about Valentineโ€™s Day
But it looks like I missed my date.
The Religious Tennis Match A bishop and a bishop are having a tennis match. The bishop is very competitive, but canโ€™t seem to bring his A-game to the priest who is clearly better. After a volley from the priest, the bishop misses and yells: โ€œGod*amn it! I missed!โ€, startling the priest. He lets it slip and the match continues. But alas, after a fierce back-hand from the priest, the bishop misses and again yells: โ€œGod*amn it! I missed!โ€ โ€œStop itโ€ yells the priest. โ€œYou canโ€™t use the Lords name in vain like that!โ€ The bishop apologizes. โ€œIโ€™m sorry, my son. I swear to you, if I do it again, may God smite me with all his might.โ€ โ€œFair enough.โ€ grumbles the priest, and the match continues. Itโ€™s going really well, but as fate may have it, the bishop misses and slips again, shouting โ€œGod*amn it! I missed!โ€ Suddenly thick, dark clouds gather in the sky and with roaring thunder, a lightning bolt shoots down to the earth and vaporizes the ball midair. A thundering voice emits from the skies... โ€œDa*n it! I missed!โ€
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You canโ€™t ketchup.
My Spotify sucks. It showed me the hottest singles, and missed you out!
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
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