Handle Jokes

Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."

- John Steinbeck.
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
“God made up best friends because he knew our mom couldn’t handle us as sisters.”
— Unknown
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Ay caramba! You're hotter than a jalapeño. I better wear a glove when I handle you!
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
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