Tarzan of the Apes was fighting a Lion in Africa. He won, but at the price of his eye, his arm, and his penis. His jungle friends back home said they would help him out by giving him the spare parts he needed. They gave him the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla, and an elephantโs trunk for a penis.
A couple weeks pass and a chimp comes by to ask Tarzan how his new parts are.
Tarzan says โEye, make Tarzan see far!โ โArm, make Tarzan strong!โ โBut Tarzan no like new wee-wee!!โ
The chimp asks โwhy not?โ
Tarzan makes a curling motion with his arm, mimicking an elephantโs trunk and says,
โIt keeps picking weeds and shoving them up Tarzanโs ass!โ
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk to her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards, they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.
The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible.
"You know, "he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
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