It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
We should make like your parents and split.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
"You're perfect in every way, just not for me."
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
"I just can't take the bad lovemaking anymore".
We're donion rings.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
"There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met - goodbye."
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
"Really, our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."
Boy: Want to hear a joke?
Girlfriend: Sure.
Boy: Our relationship.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
You are so right. And I am so left.
"My cat doesn't like you."
"I took a gamble and chose you, now i believe I made a bad bet."
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
"Look, our relationship is like doing push ups on your knees. It's just not working out"
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Girl: Your ex is so attractive
Boy: Which one?
Girl: ME. Goodbye.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
I think we need to become better strangers.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
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