Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
We should make like your parents and split.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
"Really, our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."
"My cat doesn't like you."
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You made my life a mess
Please call a clean-up crew
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
"Maybe this is not the right time for us"
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
"Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you."
Let’s make like a banana and split.
"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
"I took a gamble and chose you, now i believe I made a bad bet."
Dinosaurs represent our relationship, because they both don’t exist anymore.”
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
"I treated this relationship like my diet, one cheat day a week."
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
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