Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
You looked better when I was drunk.
"You're not Mr. Right.... just Mr. Right Now."
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."
I think we need to become better strangers.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
"We are like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it."
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
"I just can't take the bad lovemaking anymore".
"I took a gamble and chose you, now i believe I made a bad bet."
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
Can we still share a netflix account?
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Do you happen to know sign language? Because this is the last time you’ll hear from me.
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
"Really, our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
"Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back."
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
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