Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
"My cat doesn't like you."
"Really, our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?"
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.
"I just can't live with the pathetic tickles that you call thrusts anymore."
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
"You're not Mr. Right.... just Mr. Right Now."
We should make like your parents and split.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
"Hey babe, you heard of the movie 'Other people?'"
"Yeah, why?"
"I think we should see it."
"It's not me, it's you!"
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
You looked better when I was drunk.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Boy: Want to hear a joke?
Girlfriend: Sure.
Boy: Our relationship.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
"Roses are red, violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you."
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
"I'll always remember last night, but I think we can forget about tomorrow."
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
Are you dessert because I'm finished.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
"If it's meant to be it's meant to be....but just to be clear it isn't."
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
"I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you're not."
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
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