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Power Jokes

The Priest and Satan's Deal
A priest was approached one night by Satan himself. "Do not be frightened," said Satan. "I have an offer to make. I will make you tremendously powerful, famous and rich in return for just one small favour: half of your ability to hear." The priest was stunned. "Let me think about it for a few days." The next morning, the priest requested to meet the bishop. "Your Excellency, I need your advice for a temptation I have been given!" He told over his strange encounter. The bishop was shocked. "A deal with Satan?! Do not do it, it will destroy your soul!" But he could see the priest was not convinced. So the bishop arranged a meeting with the archbishop. "Your Excellency, this priest has an urgent matter he needs advice about!" He told over the story. The archbishop bowed his head in silent prayer, and after a few moments responded. "Firstly, your hearing is a gift from God. It would be forbidden to sacrifice any part of it. Secondly, a deal with Satan?!? Never do it!" But the priest wasn't convinced. He was imagining all the wealth, fame and power he'd receive. So the archbishop requested an audience with the Pope. The three of them came into the Papal office in great awe. They sat, and the archbishop spoke. "Your Holiness, this priest has a terrible temptation and needs advice!" "Sorry," said the Pope, "could you speak a little louder?"
Blood Puns
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
Funny Money Quotes
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
Appliance Puns
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Weather Pick Up Lines
The storm suppose to knock out the power, but your eyes have all the electricity I need.
A Cadilac With Everything
A few decades ago, a man and his wife were driving through the country on his way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill it up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump. "What can I do for y'all?" asks the attendant. "Fill 'er up with high test," replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down. "What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before." "Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "This, my boy is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille." "What features does it have?" asks the attendant. "Well," says the driver, "It has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, an 8.8 liter V12 engine." "Wow," says the attendant, "That's really something!" "How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver. "That'll be $30.17," says the attendant. The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees. "What are those little wooden things?" asks the attendant. "That's what I put my balls on when I drive," says the driver. "Wow," says the attendant, "Those Cadillac people think of everything!"
Spider Puns
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
Nature Puns
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
Are You Pick Up Lines
Do you have the power of a volcano? Because I lava you!
Movie Pick Up Lines
"Hey girl, I don't have power and success, but I'm funny."
- Modern Family
The Genie, the Waterfall and Their Last Wish
An Englishman, an American and a Japanese are doing white water rafting, when all of a sudden they spot a huge drop to a waterfall they never knew was there. They are moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom... Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is the spirit of the waterfall, and he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies. The American steps up first. "I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full version. Give my friends lyrics sheets, so they can join in. I want a full backing orchestra and a gospel choir." "It will be done." says the genie. The Japanese goes next. "I love my country too. Nothing represents it better than our wonderful cuisine. Please let me taste one more time, the delicacies of my village. I want fermented sticky soy beans. Fresh sea urchin. Raw horse meat. Pickled seaweed. Sugared omelettes. And please....provide enough so I can share the meal with my friends." "It will be done." says the genie. The Englishman quietly approaches the genie, and whispers in his ear 'Just send me over the waterfall before the bloody song starts and the food gets here."
Italy Puns
I'm a supervillain from Italy, I have the power to infect people with deadly diseases.
It’s-a-me, Malario.
Color Puns
If you live in a purple-colored house and suddenly all the power goes off, then you should probably check the fuchsia box.
Electricity Puns
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.

My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”

A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
Family Puns
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
Utensils Puns
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.