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Minute Jokes

Blonde Jokes
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Animal Pick Up Lines
Baby, when you're near me my heart beats like a hedgehog's. That's about 300 beats a minute.
God's Frame of Reference
A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to God. "God", he said, "How long is a million years?" God answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute." The man asked, "God, how much is a million dollars?" God answered, "To Me, it's a dime." The man then asked, "God, can I have a dime?" "In a minute."
Foreign Trouble in Canada
A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water." "But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal." "Wait a minute," said the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'!" "Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
Funny Parenting Quotes
"When I tell my kids I'll do something in a minute, what I'm really saying is "Please forget." - @SarcasticMommy4
Spice Puns
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
Anti Jokes
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
Oral Hygiene Puns
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
Hockey Pick Up Lines
I'd love to serve a 5 minute penalty in your box.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Kitchen Puns
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
Yoga Pick Up Lines
I can think of an activity that'll make you sweat even more than a 90 minute hot yoga class...
Sorry Pick Up Lines
Excuse me, do you have the time? I just want to remember the exact minute I got a crush on you.
Grass Puns
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
Witch Puns
Please wait, bewitcha in a minute.
Frog Puns
Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
A frog with hiccups.
Birthday Jokes
A man gets up and heads off to work despondent that not one member of his family has wished him Happy Birthday. What an ungrateful lot he thinks.

When he gets to work his attractive secretary asks him what’s wrong and he explains.
“Why don’t I take you out to lunch to cheer you up,” she says.

After a lovely lunch and a couple of glasses of champagne, she says do you mind if we drop into my apartment on the way home.

Interested, he replies, ”Sure!”

At her apartment she smiles, fixes him a drink, and then says, “I just have to slip into the bedroom for a minute.”
In a moment she’s back with a birthday cake, his family and all his friends.

And there’s him lying naked on the couch.

"ah..." he says. "Surprise?"