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Father Jokes

Jokes that have a father in them.

Dad Jokes
A proud new Dad sits down with his own father for a celebratory drink.
His father says, "Son, now you've got a child of your own, I think it's time you had this."
And with that, he pulls out a book called, "1001 Dad Jokes".
The new Dad says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi Honored, I'm Dad."
The Lost Thesaurus
A man loses his thesaurus, which he uses all the time. He searches all over his house for it. He’s double-checked everywhere, but he just can’t find it. Fed up with searching, he decides to ask his family members. His daughter loves reading books, so he decided to ask her first. Man: "Did you take my thesaurus?" Daughter: "I didn’t take your thesaurus, I was just reading my favorite book. Maybe ask my brother? He always tries to reach into high cabinets, so he might have taken it to stand on." So the man goes off and to look for his son. He finds his son sitting on the couch, playing video games. Man: "Did you take my thesaurus?" Son: "Of course not, I hate reading. Ask mom, she might have it." So the man looks for his wife, but she isn’t home. He starts getting really frustrated. He goes to the stables to search for her. He goes in but there's just their horse standing there.The man, frustrated, decides to amuse himself. "I don't suppose YOU know where my thesaurus is, right?" Horse: "Nope. Oops, I mean Neighhhh!"
Spice Puns
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
Dad Puns
I don't have a "Dad Bod"
I have a father figure.
One Liners for Kids
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
Squirrel Puns
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!

What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
Thanksgiving Jokes
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?

If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
Goat Puns
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
Turkey Puns
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
Water Puns
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
Hand Puns
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
Christmas Puns
“Did you know that Father Christmas has a daughter? Her name is Mary Christmas.”
Clever Jokes
Who is this Rorschach dude and why does he paint so many paintings of my father beating me?
Colonoscopy Short Jokes
My father had a colonoscopy.
Turns out he had colon cancer so he had to have surgery to remove the tumor. Now he has a semi-colon.
Father Puns
Forgive me father, pastor, vicar, padre, priest...
For I have synonymed.
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