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Ears Jokes

Medical Puns
If anyone has any advice for cosmetic surgery that’s gone terribly wrong...
My wife is all ears.
Garden Puns
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
Elf Puns
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Gnome Puns
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Parrot Puns
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
Ear Puns
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
Deer Puns
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
Funny Marriage Quotes
“If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.” - Sigmund Freud
Frankenstein Puns
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?
I didn’t know we lived on the same block.
Mr. Know-It-All
A Physics professor had a student that was always late and always had an answer or an excuse. He decides to ask him a few questions in front of the class and put him on the spot. "Tell me, Michael, What is faster, light or sound?" "Well light, obviously." "Alright, why?" "Well, when I turn on my TV, I first see the picture and then comes the sound" The professor sighs and gives a you're-an-idiot look. He moves to the next student asks the same question. "What is faster, light or sound?" "Well obviously it is sound." "Uhhh what?? Why do you think this?" "Well when I turn on my TV, I first hear it and then comes the picture." Extremely annoyed the professor is now a bit pissed off. He believes that maybe the question is too hard for these pea brains and tries to vary it. The next student he asks "You are on the foot of a mountain. On the summit there is a cannon being fired. Do you first see the light of the fire or do you first hear the sound?" "Obviously you first see the light." Slightly hopeful the professor says "YES and why is that?" "Well the eyes are obviously further ahead than the ears."
Funny Aging Quotes
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner