Where's the weak spot on a Scottish goalie? The fief hole.
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall "Dam!"
What did the football player say to the flight attendant?
"Put me in coach."
Why do hitters find it so hard to be productive when they are indoors? They always work on an angle to play outside.
Why should you you stand on the service line? So that you can order ice cream.
Water you doing on [date]?
What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
Chances are both will end up in the gutter.
Basketball players make good husbands. They never shoot their wives.
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
How many Winter Park ski instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, and two to say, "Nice Turns, Nice Turns!"
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.
Why can't Bill Clinton go scuba diving?
He won't inhale.
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarter back.
They say that volleyball is just mind over matter. Because in our minds, you don’t matter.
Here’s more proof that I’ve gone off the deep end.
What is American football called in other countries?
30.48 cm ball.
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
Do you know the easiest way to stop squirrels from playing soccer in your garden is to hide the ball? Well, it drives them nuts.
Don’t be a wet noodle – join us!
Why did they arrest the volleyball player? They suspected foul play.
If you doubt whether bowling is a sport, get it from me, that yes, it is a sport, but for people who have talent to spare.
What is a cyclops' favorite winter activity?
Sking. That's like skiing, but only with one eye.
My favorite sport is bowling cause I always strike out with girls.
I used to have a scuba diving business
But it went under.
What might folks in Tokyo find between Godzilla's toes?
Slow runners.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
How did the octopuses win the football match?
Ten tackles
When the pitch is flooded, soccer players can still go on. They just need to bring on their subs.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?
COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The ref keeps shafting us the offsides; I think he's blue lyin'.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
Will the Red Wings be able to replace their venerable captain Steve? No, because
when it comes to hockey smarts there is no Yzer man.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Did you hear about the volleyball players who are getting married? They say it was love at first spike.
Why did the fish cross the road? Cause it was hooked!
There is a specific type of cats who love to go bowling. They are known as alley cats.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
After the guy broke his arm skiing, he realized it was all downhill from there.
How did the swim team manage to pay for new pool renovations?
They pool-ed their resources!
Which HOF defenceman was nicknamed The Gravedigger? Denis Plotvin.
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
Pack your trunks – we’re having a pool party!
I could go on and on about Salming but I don't want to Borje.
How do snowboarders introduce themselves when they meet somebody on the slopes?
Sorry Dude.
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
The dog didn’t want to play soccer because it was a boxer.