Two tomatoes went jogging. One trips and falls. The other tomato said, "Grab my Heinz and I'll help you up." Trippy tomato replies, "Nah, you go ahead. I'll ketchup."
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
Is the pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
What is a golfer’s favorite dance move?
The Bogey.
If you golf on election day…
Be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Is it ad-out again? I’m going to hit my breaking point.
Why should a bowling alley be quiet?
So you can hear a pin drop!
Why should you swim in an ool instead of a pool?
Because there’s no “p” in it!
Basketball players are not that patient to follow-through an elaborate court-ship procedure.
Where is a basketball player's favorite place to eat?
Dunkin' Donuts
How do volleyball players deliver their messages? Through Air Mail.
The injured player wanted to congratulate the winner, but he couldn’t walkover to the other side of the court.
How do you call stage diving at Oktoberfest?
Krautsurfing.
I wish they’d change the scoring system, but tennis is set in its ways and doesn’t see the point.
What is the fastest fish in the water? A motopike
Golf is what you play…
When you’re too out of shape to play softball.
Everybody wants to light up a soccer stadium. However, this is only possible using a soccer match.
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
What do the guys at the ski repair shop eat their lunch on?
Baseplates.
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
Which violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
Ghoul tending.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Why do referees always hurry to catch their next flight? Because it's "two
minutes 'fore boarding!"
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
I like my breakfast like my tennis grip: Continental.
The only time a basketball team can chase a baseball team is five after nine.
Did you hear the terrible rumor about the volleyball player? That’s what she set!
What do you call a guy who can't stop running along the beach?
Joggernaut.
Why are fisherman so stingy?
Their jobs make them sel-fish!
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Spending time at the pool really floats my boat.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Two racquets started dating. Unfortunately, one was stringing the other along without any intention of tying the knot.
Good bowlers always keep their minds out of the gutter.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
They say that you can spike a volleyball. But you can never take away its dig-nity.
Too bad my serve hit the tape. Well, at least they’ll LET me hit it again.
The beauty with bowling is that you can get three strikes, but you still remain in the game.
The soccer player brought string to her game because she wanted to tie the score.
What is the difference between a ball hog and time?
Time passes.
Why is learning to ski in France so difficult?
'Cause sometimes they won't Alp you.