I surprised the judges at my last diving competition by performing a cannonball.
I made a huge splash.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
Pack your trunks – we’re having a pool party!
Is your eyesight as bad as your cell phone reception? Because that was a terrible call.
Went to a game with my dad today and as we were standing up to sing, the veteran in him kicked in and he began tearing up. I said to him, "You know, technically, national anthems are just…
…country music."
What happens if you run in front of a car?
You get tired.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Deep sea diving is so dangerous.
I just can’t fathom it.
If the wooden face mask was popularized by Jacques Plante, was the wooden
cup made popular by Jock Plank?
I tried to hit the picture cleanly over the fence, but it was framed.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
What is the difference between Barry Zito and bowling icon Walter Ray Williams, Jr.?
Walter Ray Williams, Jr. knows how to throw a strike.
How do crazy runners go through the forest?
They take the psychopath!
How is it that elephants are always ready for a swim?
They never forget their trunks!
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
What is a golfer’s favorite dance move?
The Bogey.
My life-long rival just beat my record for deep-sea diving.
This is a new low.
Why do stoner tourists spend so much money while on a skiing holiday at Aspen?
Because they're high rollers!
The reason why soccer players are brilliant in math is because they know how to use their heads well.
The target in soccer is to kick it where it counts.
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
What do skiers order at fast food restaurants?
Icebergers with Chilly Sauce, on the slide.
Which violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
Ghoul tending.
Why can't Bill Clinton go scuba diving?
He won't inhale.
Why should a bowling alley be quiet?
So you can hear a pin drop!
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, do you believe in love at first sight, or should I go around this chairlift again?
Why was the marathon runner plucked out of the race and taken away to jail?
For resisting a rest.
What trophy do you get if you never score any points? The Art Rouse.
What type of pool do mechanics like best?
The car pool!
When is the course too wet to play golf?
When your golf cart capsizes.
. What do you call it when you heard the same jogger pun earlier, yet laughed again?
A running joke.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
How did the serve know when the bad serve was not with the hand? The server knew it was the foot fault.
Oh buoy – we’re having a splash bash!
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
Why was the wheelchair basketball team banned from the Paralympics?
They all tested positive for WD-40.
I started watching soccer because I could see it’s very relevant to my life.
Little to no goals.
By the seat of one’s punt
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
What might folks in Tokyo find between Godzilla's toes?
Slow runners.
There is a commonality between a thanksgiving and a bowler guest. They both love turkey.
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?
Clubbing.
A man named Martin Draw was campaigning for the Senate. He printed up shirts saying “I’m with Draw” to support his campaign. The next day, he wore the shirt to a tennis tournament. When he walked up to the tournament desk, the director handed him his money back and asked him why he couldn’t play.
Don’t get me wrong, I love our soccer team. However, in sharp contrast to the albatross, our team doesn’t have two decent wings.
What do you get if you cross a ski instructor and a vampire?
Frostbite.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.