Which is the bar downtown that soccer players hate striking on? Crossbar.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
There is a commonality between a thanksgiving and a bowler guest. They both love turkey.
How is it that elephants are always ready for a swim?
They never forget their trunks!
What country do marathoners retire to?
Iran.
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
Defeat in soccer is only bitter if you swallow it.
In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
I know an untidy guy who’s excellent at playing soccer.
What a Messi guy.
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
If fish lived on land, in which country would they live? Finland.
We’ll have a splash-tastic time.
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
When the pitch is flooded, soccer players can still go on. They just need to bring on their subs.
Why do blind people hate diving?
It scares the hell out of their dogs.
Why are Scandinavians the fastest runners in the world?
Because they start out near the Finnish line.
Why are fisherman so stingy?
Their jobs make them sel-fish!
If you want to impress the crowd, hit overheads. Every point will be a smash hit.
Why did the volleyball players line up from shortest to tallest? The coach wanted the team to switch from a 5-1 line up to a 6-2.
Having a ball
The reason why bowling alleys are so quiet is such that you can hear a pin drop.
The bowling team of which I am captain is known lightning. This is because we get countless strikes.
You can’t possibly play soccer in the amazon jungle because there are far too many cheetahs.
How did the octopuses win the football match?
Ten tackles
What did the skiier say when his standup act was going downhill fast?
There snow possible way these puns could be more painful.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
How do snowboarders introduce themselves when they meet somebody on the slopes?
Sorry Dude.
Today I donated my old basketball hoop to a school for the blind.
It will be missed.
Why was the basketball court so slippery?
Because all the players were dribbling on it.
I surprised the judges at my last diving competition by performing a cannonball.
I made a huge splash.
[Pool Noodle] That’s using your noodle!
The crowd had filled up the venue and everyone was waiting for the bowling alley to open. Finally, they got the ball rolling.
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
The refs kept calling interference, even though goalmouth incidents were in
de-crease.
What type of pool do mechanics like best?
The car pool!
Set or be set. This is certainly the right way to look at things.
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall "Dam!"
What did the football player say to the flight attendant?
"Put me in coach."
Did you hear about the Owl that could play American football?
It was a superb_owl.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.