What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
Chances are both will end up in the gutter.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
A certain Leafs right-winger was sued by the Louisiana government. He was
Owen N'awlins.
If the wooden face mask was popularized by Jacques Plante, was the wooden
cup made popular by Jock Plank?
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
I’m never board when I’m at the pool.
Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!
The dog didn’t want to play soccer because it was a boxer.
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
What did the fishermen say to the fish that swam away? "You bass-tard!"
What did the magician say to the fisherman?
"Pick a cod, any cod."
As a Brit, I can't get into American football
They rugby the wrong way.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
What do you call heels on ski boots?
Ski lifts.
I went to my girlfriend's soccer match for the first time last weekend. She kept grabbing the ball with her hands.
She's a keeper.
[Pool Noodle] That’s using your noodle!
Water you doing on [date]?
When the defender was put in the box for spearing Jaromir Jagr, he
complained "but it was only a poke-Czech!"
Why do hitters find it so hard to be productive when they are indoors? They always work on an angle to play outside.
Basketball players make good husbands. They never shoot their wives.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
The success in this sport is not how you bowl, but how you roll.
There is one commonality between a magician and a soccer player. They both do hat tricks.
During holidays, soccer referees send their families yellow cards.
By the seat of one’s punt
Why was the basketball court so slippery?
Because all the players were dribbling on it.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Which cool rapper recreates at Aspen Snomass?
Ice Ski.
Why did the basketball player sign up for a crafting class?
He wanted to learn how to make baskets.
What do you call a diving dog?
A sub woofer.
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
What is the fastest way to make a setter angry? Each time you make a pass, tell the setter the ball is “Up” and then say “Yours!”
The basketball player sat on the sideline and began sketching pictures of chickens. He was learning how to draw fowls.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Brother: "I saw a seahorse scuba diving"
Dad: "Wow that's amazing, I didn't realise they had the technology."
Why do volleyball players join the military? They want to gain extra experience in the service.
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Everybody wants to light up a soccer stadium. However, this is only possible using a soccer match.
Even if injuries end it prematurely, Paul's had a good Kariya.
If you want a loyal marriage, get hitched to a basketball player. He will never pass you, rather he will keep you all to himself.
Why are spiders such great volleyball players? Because they have an amazing topspin.
Finally, the soccer ball decided to quit the team. The reason behind its move was that it was tied of being kicked around.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
What did the player on the Bumblebee basketball team say after making a foul shot?
Hive Scored!
Where do ghosts play volleyball at? At the volleyball corpse.
Which superstar has a nose for the puck? Mario the Magsniffascent.
How are waiters and blockers similar? When they do a good job, they get a big fat tip.
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
Spending time at the pool really floats my boat.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.