Give me some pigskin
If you want a loyal marriage, get hitched to a basketball player. He will never pass you, rather he will keep you all to himself.
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.
What is the difference between Barry Zito and bowling icon Walter Ray Williams, Jr.?
Walter Ray Williams, Jr. knows how to throw a strike.
Wife: I’m sick and tired of your obsession with golf!
Husband: Why, is it driving a wedge between us?
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
The ref keeps shafting us the offsides; I think he's blue lyin'.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding?
He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt
The bowling team of which I am captain is known lightning. This is because we get countless strikes.
What do golf and se* have in common?
They’re two things you can enjoy even if you’re bad at both of them.
The last thing I can remember was the yellow ball speeding toward me. I swung the racquet, and then things got fuzzy.
What do police officers do when they are on the volleyball court? They serve and protect.
How many Winter Park ski instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, and two to say, "Nice Turns, Nice Turns!"
Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!
"What are your thoughts on diving?"
"Well, I guess it's descent as a hobby."
Do you know how to dunk cookies? Ask a basketball chef.
Which is the bar downtown that soccer players hate striking on? Crossbar.
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
Pack your trunks – we’re having a pool party!
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
Where do players hide their marijuana?
Between the stash marks.
How do you call stage diving at Oktoberfest?
Krautsurfing.
By the seat of one’s punt
Why was the Copper Mountain skier taken to the emergency room?
He hurt his ski bum.
For instant fun, just add water.
Is there a bathroom in this tennis club? Because I’m about to drop a deuce.
What's the greatest problem facing Poland?
The four-ten split.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
A guy walks into the bar.
It's hardly surprising he didn't make the steeplechase team, on reflection.
What is the worst advice a coach could ever give to a nude volleyball team? Play hard.
What do volleyball players watch during their free time? They watch Spike TV.
In the history of bowling, there is one bowler who floats like a butterfly and stings pretty much like a bee. His name is Muhammad Alley.
Why did the ski instructor ask for a divorce?
He found out his wife is a real flake.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
I’d like to throw away my old can, but my pusher friend here says he loves junk balls.
Why did the hotdogger quit skiing at MaryJane?
Because it was the wurst stunt skier at Winter Park Resort.
Which LA King was the total package? Parcel Dionne.
I am disappointed that you are taking such a closed-stance on my footwork advice.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Are you still wondering why the basketball player could listen to his music? Don’t you know he broke a record!
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?
Clubbing.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
[Pool Noodle] That’s using your noodle!
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
Why did the volleyball player get thrown out of the party? He spiked the punch.
