What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.