What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.