An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
Seas the day!
Wish upon a starfish.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
I have a bone to pixie with you.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
Shell-abrate the good times!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.