Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
I think you're mer-mazing.
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
You seem a little mer-mad.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
I love you so fairy much.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!