Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
I think you're mer-mazing.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
I love you so fairy much.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Wish upon a starfish.
Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."