Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
Wish upon a starfish.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
Go big or go gnome.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
I think you're mer-mazing.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
You mermake me happy.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
We were mermaid for each other.