A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.

Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!

When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.

What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.

What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.

Fishing you a happy day.

What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.

Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.

Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!

What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.

One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"

What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.

Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.

My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.

Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).

A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."

Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.

What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.

When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.

What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”

All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!

Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!

Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!

When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.

What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!

What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.

Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.

Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.

What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.

An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."

What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.

There was an exotic pet race to take place.

Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"

The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:

"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."

Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.

Shes a fairy realistic person.

What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!

When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.

Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.

What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”

For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.

What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”

Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!

Shell-abrate the good times!

What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.

Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!

How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!

What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!

Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?

If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.

What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!

Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.