What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
You really mermaid my day.
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
Fairies just spell trouble.
Fishing you a happy day.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
I have a bone to pixie with you.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
Wish upon a starfish.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
Fairies just wand to have fun.
Don't fork-get your manners.