They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.

Call me on the shellphone.

Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?

What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!

Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.

What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.

How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!

Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.

What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.

Mermaids always drink mermosas.

Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?

Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.

Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.

A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.

How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!

Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.

Just hangin' with my gnomies.

Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"

No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.

What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!

What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.

What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.

Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!

"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.

Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.

Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?

What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!

What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”

Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.

I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...

Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.

Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!

What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!

What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.

How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.

There was an exotic pet race to take place.

Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"

The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:

"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."

A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.

Fairies just wand to have fun.

Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.

The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.

Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.

What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!

What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.

The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!

What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.

Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.

Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!

What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.

What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.