I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
Fishing you a happy day.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Call me on the shellphone.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
You mermake me happy.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
I think you're mer-mazing.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.