A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
Call me on the shellphone.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
You seem a little mer-mad.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
I love you so fairy much.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
You mermake me happy.
Fairies just spell trouble.
